I’m pretty sure that a lot of you have noticed the expansion of hip-hop moguls such as Sean "P. Diddy" Combs, or Shawn Carter [Jay-Z], and people of that nature. They have broken the boundaries that once existed in hip-hop where everything was just about being a rapper, they did the rap thing, then they owned their own labels, then clothing lines, restaurants, night clubs, sports teams, even Alcohol. AND THAT'S WHERE I'VE RECEIVED MY LATEST INSPIRATION!
A couple of months back I was sitting and talking to myself [my doctor told me its healthy] about different ways to exploit markets and make money. I thought that beer and alcohol companies were losing out on a lot of money by following these stupid laws and selling their product exclusively to people over the age of 21. I continued to think about how much money they didn't even know that they were losing out on and that's when I came up with my newest business venture.
It's called "The 1,2,3 Alcohol Distribution Co." Our target audience - children ages 6 months - 4 years old. Just imagine the possibilities! No more crying babies, just give baby a little bit of alcohol and he/she is fast asleep and so is mommy and daddy.
Now to capitalize on our marketing opportunities we have decided to break the brand down by drink. So we have a variety of drinks in the works. The FDA [Food and Drug Administration] has cleared two drinks as of now. So these will be the first to hit the markets.
The first drink is called "HeadStart" it contains Hennessey and Baby Formula. The second drink [and a personal favorite] is called "CryBaby" it is a mixture of Mad Dog malt liquor and Similac. To further increase the marketability of these drinks we'll put them in baby bottles and include a free pacifier with each purchase of a six-pack of either. Now I know what you’re thinking, this is too good to be true, but wait there's more. Now I don't like to toot my own horn [because I don't know how to play instruments] but my marketing genius has been hard at work and I’ve come up with a special campaign. To add to the sexiness of this we decided that all 6,12, 24 and 32 packs will come in special "1,2,3 Alcohol" Diaper Bags which also double as a cooler. AND along with the Diaper bag comes a 20 percent off coupon for Depends Adult Diapers, OR Pampers Baby Diapers, so now grandparents can enjoy our product with their grandchildren. We're also considering giving away a free 10 pack of baby wipes with every Diaper bag! Another marketing ploy I had in mind was to get famed and esteemed child actors such as Chucky from the Rugrats, Macaulay Culkin, Webster, The Olsen Twins, and maybe one of the kids from Barney, to endorse the product
Now if your interested in investing in this incredible venture [which I know you are] then here's the 411, there is a $500 investors fee as well as a $2,500 upstart fee. I WILL NOT accept personal checks [your money ain’t good here!] You will need to provide either a valid credit card number [doesn't matter whether or not it's yours, just as long as it's valid] OR you can send a money order [make all money orders payable to "1,2,3 Alcohol"] Sorry no C.O.D.'s either.No one has commented on this article. |
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